Deviation Actions
So, I have been reviewing creepypasta all the way back in 2014, that feels like such a long time ago. Anyway, overtime I have made many observations about creepypasta, Number 1: the creepypasta that we all began with, the “Squidward’s Suicide”s and the “Herobrine”s and the like, are all kind of crap. Number 2: There are some creepypasta that need a lot more attention, and Number 3: There are way too many creepypasta with awful titles.
I know this seems kind of, well stupid, to talk about creepypasta titles, but here is the thing. A title is more important to a creepypasta than an episode of a tv show. This is because, most creepypastas you have to find on some kind of wiki, I know there are actual creepypasta websites, but creepypasta wikis are usually easier to work with and the first things that pop up anyway. Even then, most of these sites don’t really give a description about what the creepypasta is about, which allows for more links on the page, but in some cases is kind of like buying a video game or movie out of a catalogue. Even then, a catalogue at least gives you a description.
A creepypasta with a bad title, or a generic one, or a bland one, or a misleading one, is less likely to attract a reader when they don’t know what the actual story is about. So, I guess the other question is, why am I not doing this for “good creepypasta” only? Well, because that is a little unfair, I don’t want to make it seem like this is only an issue with good creepypasta or that it’s not worth talking about with the bad creepypasta, because really neither is true. At the end of the day, a creepypasta of any quality can have a generally unappealing title, or a misleading one, or even a downright confusing one.
So yes, my first post of this year is officially, the top ten worst creepypasta titles, for creepypasta I reviewed between 2014 to 2017. Hey, I have to cut this off somewhere or else we’d have at least, three-hundred candidates and, I’m not going through that much, besides, if this goes over well I might do another one in the future.
10. Killswitch
Kicking off this list is a title where the problems are really nitpicky, but that still counts for this list. It is a typical thing to name a video game creepypasta after the game it is about, especially if the game was fabricated like with “Killswitch”. However, here is my question, what did a killswitch actually have to do with the game in the first place?
Think back to literally any game you played and the title it had, what did the title have to do with the game itself? Portal? Metal Gear? Pac-Man? Noughts and Crosses? Tag? I think the only game I can think of where the title had little to actually do with the game itself is Bioshock, and even then that is debatable.
For those of you who don’t know, a killswitch is a special switch or button that is made to, in the case of an emergency, shut down an entire system. A killswitch is made to be quick, simple and obvious. Surprisingly little of any of that has to do with the game described. Some people may say that “it’s supposed to be a reference to the game shutting itself off and deleting itself” to which I defer you to the “Quick, simple and obvious” part, which kind of nulls the idea of the game itself being a killswitch.
9. Caribou
If you have browsed around the creepypasta wiki as much as I have than you have come across your fair share of non-descript, kind of boring titles. “Caribou”, how exciting. I’m about to read a story that features a cloven-hoofed, Arctic cervidae. Yes, a Caribou does feature in the story, but it’s not even the main focus, kind of, maybe. I don’t know, it’s kind of the focus, kind of not, whatever, what matters is, the title sucks, but the creepypasta itself is actually pretty good.
8. Doors
I wonder if all the non-descript titles all have to be one word. Doors is a worse offender than Caribou by far though, not because Caribou is more fun to say than Doors, which it actually is, but that is not really important (Caribou). No, the reason Doors is the worst offender of the two is that the creepypasta doesn’t even focus on Doors that much. All that really matters when to comes to actual doors in the pasta is that the narrator can’t open doors.
Now, this creepypasta actually has a twist, which might excuse the bad title. However, here is a counter, why couldn’t the pasta just be called “I Could not Open the Door”? It’s also vague enough not to spoil the pasta, it is also a sucky title, but at least it offers more of an explanation to what is in the pasta. When I hear the word “Doors”, I think of Jim Morrison.
You know, “The Holders” is not a very interesting title. However, The Holders can get away with not having a great title because that is the name of the series. Most titles are kind of bad when you just say the series’ title, like why would I want to go read “Harry Potter” when I can instead read “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”?
I feel as though that is what the title for Hitchhiker’s Object wanted to be, the main title to a series like The Holders, the problem is that, if you were to make this a series, the whole “Hitchhiker’s Object” part of the title would either be unnecessary and useless to add, or annoying and tedious to read. We have The Holders, a series of creepypastas with titles that are what object the story is about. Hitchhiker’s Object I feel wants to be like that, but it’s too vague to really mean anything, I mean, a hitchhiker’s object could literally be anything, a diamond, the last copy of El Apostol, my desire to watch any cartoons for girls after Littlest Pet Shop, anything; and it’s not like they symbolize anything special like The Holders do. Go read The Holders.
How many of you would guess that this is a Futurama creepypasta?
Title alone, it’s way too vague and meaningless to be of any importance, even to the main story. What does the prospect of time have to do with anything in this creepypasta? Did Fry not suffer long enough? Well, it can’t be because at the end the other characters say he got what he deserved, so it’s clearly not that.
I feel like this would have been a better title for a Red Dwarf creepypasta, or a Doctor Who creepypasta, or a creepypasta written by someone who actually knew what they were doing. At least in those situations, the title would make a bit more sense.
Even though I love this creepypasta, I was in for a huge surprise when I figured out that this wasn’t a Steven Universe creepypasta. Of course, I doubt anybody could actually blame me for thinking it to be a Steven Universe creepypasta since its title could literally be a reference to the four gems, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Rose Quartz, and maybe some kind of being just named Crystal or something. I also fail to see how gems or crystals actually matter in the story being told, as at no point do any kind of crystalline stones prominently feature in the story. It’s like calling Jeff the Killer, Bleach and Vodka, or calling Sonic.EXE, Ao Oni, you should name your pasta, or story of any kind, after something prominent in your story. Where even are the four gems? I’m starting to think the writer gave it that title to attract the Steven Universe crowd.
4. Ghost Story
Behold, the literal, most generic and bland title I have ever seen.
While the creepypasta is not bad, and does do something different from most of the ghost stories I’ve read, the title is about as dull as it gets. You can literally see everything wrong with the title just by looking at it. It’s like calling a song “Drinking Song” or calling a cartoon “Funny Cartoon Show”, it’s mindbogglingly generic and makes your product even easier to forget among the other ghost stories.
I full on just dislike this title, I know it’s a common thing to have pasta titles be the titles of videos or games, but this is the worst title to any of that I’ve ever seen. “Spongecry” is a file name I’d give to a soundbite, not a video clip, and even if I were to give it to a video clip, it would actually be of SpongeBob crying and not, whatever the Hell happened in the pasta. The naming of some of these pastas is just odd to me, like what about this video gives it the title “Spongecry”? Wouldn’t it be like if “Squidward’s Suicide” was instead titled “SquidAlone”?
Also, I can’t be the only one to think this sounds suspiciously similar to Suicidemouse.AVI, just a thought.
2. The Outsiders Missing Scenes
Even years after first reviewing this, that title still pisses me off. “Missing” implies that they were lost and not cut, which clearly is not the case, they were not lost, Hell they weren’t even essential to the film, but I’ve ranted on that previously in both my actual review and my re-review (Which is linked). Also, this thought just crossed my mind, but the title also implies that these were also scenes from the book, but even if they were in the book, they wouldn’t be creepy they’d be out of place, S.E. Hinton did not need to shock when writing The Outsiders, the story was strong enough on its own. This title and pasta find new ways to irk me sometimes.
How do you even pronounce this? “Me-tie-doh-tee-walker”? “Me-tie-dohf-tie-walker”? Whatever, I’ll just call it what it is, stupid. Which is fitting because that is how I’d sum up the pasta as well. The title, on top of making little to no sense also gives me absolutely no indication of what kind of creepypasta this is, who would ever guess that “ME TIE DOUGH-TY WALKER” is actual gobble-de-gook nonsense in the story? For I know this could be a creepypasta about some guy with the last name Walker who is trying to get help because his tie is evil and it’s gonna kill him. In fact, judging from the title, you could very well assume this is a troll pasta, and if any creepypasta, that isn’t a troll pasta, gives you the impression that it is a troll pasta, than I think it’s safe to say that ME TIE DOUGH-TY WALKER, has the worst creepypasta title of all time.
Wait, what do you mean there are worse titles out there? ...Next week? I...sure, why not…
In the meantime, here are a few honourable mentions:
The Showers - Gives you no indication about what the pasta is actually about
The Dead Son - Generic and Bland
My Sister was Murdered, And She Won’t Shut Up About It - Too damn long
Red with White / White with Red - Easy to mix these two up
Avatar: Nightmares and Daydreams - Already the name of the episode
Bound to Death - Not sure if generically edgy, or just bad pun
South Park, Colorado - This is the title to a theory pasta, if you got that from a location, I applaud you
Pokemon Strangled Red - Oddly enough, the pasta itself explains why this title sucks
Red Dwarf IX - THERE WAS A NINTH SERIES OF RED DWARF, STOP SAYING THERE WASN’T!