South Park, Colorado Creepypasta Review

Welcome to the new year everybody. Well I say "New Year" but really all we're doing is just resetting our calendars. Anyway, my thoughts aside, this year is going to be different from the rest. I say this now because last year I really went out of my comfort zone, and I hope to do more this year and in the future.

Originally I was going to kick off the year with Anabelle, since it was one of the pastas I wanted to review last year, but I didn't know what to say about it, so I'll do it sometime later. To start of this year, I'm going to do a creepypasta I really don't like. Wait...
My first review was Luna game, a pasta I didn't enjoy, than last year my first review was "Wanna see a magic trick?" which I loved. I hope this doesn't become a pattern.

So you guys remember my Cul-de-sac review? Well this is the exact same set-up. The characters in the show are all dead and ghosts and here's how they all died. Now as many of you should know, I didn't like Cul-de-sac. I thought it was almost a good theory pasta, but it still had many, many holes. Now this one goes the extra mile, it's entirely a plot-hole, in and of itself.

It tries to explain how each character died and barley even ties it into the characters in the show. It's like if I suddenly went said if the humans in Steven Universe all died from some accident that has very little to relate with their character or occupation, I could probably find one for Renaldo, but he's obvious.

But wait, it get's even better </Sarcasm> As when their is something to tie in to each character, makes even less sense than those from Cul-de-sac. Now I hope you are familiar with that pasta and my review of it because we are going to draw a lot of comparisons to it. Some of the explanations are simple things like Cartman was eaten by a cannibal so he is very angry. If you want to explain why Cartman is an absolute ass in the series, a better theory would be that the ghosts of the other kids tricked him to his death. Hell, even nobody was at his funeral would have been a better theory.

At the very least, Cul-de-sac didn't say all of the characters were dead as it did offer something else in explaining The Canker Sisters. That was something that could at least make an interesting theory. This pasta doesn't have anything like that, it's all here's a kid that died and how they died and that's it.

And yes, this does use the "Things are scarier when it happens to kids" trope that I despise, if it wasn't for my dislike of Computer tropes in creepypasta it would be my most hated trope. Why do I hate this trope? well it's simple, the children that die are very rarely a character. Who are you going to feel sadder for losing? A child you didn't know, or somebody you knew your whole life? My pick is the latter.

And you know what starts this theory? I am not kidding when I say this but, the theory starts with somebody trying to explain why... <Sigh> the kids in South Park never age. That is just freakin' unbelievable, who needs subtle hints in the background or in dialogue when you can just say that the characters never age? Game Theory has been doing it wrong this whole time! Yeah, I can't honestly believe somebody would use that as the basis for a theory, it's as if the writer never saw a cartoon before. Of course I'm not going to go over the "It's as if the writer..." thing very often because I don't know anything about the writers of these stories, they could be huge fans of the source work or they could just be idiots, I don't know. So when I do say something like that, you know I've come across something that is truly stupid.

And that really is what this creepypasta is, Stupid. It's essentially, Cul-de-sac done to an even worse level. At the very least, when some other people do theories like "The Crystal Gems are actually evil" they at least have something strong to work off of, and yes that is an actual theory, and no I do not agree with it.

If you want a creepypasta like this done right, I can't believe I'm saying this but, red Cul-de-sac, it explains more than this and has some actual thought provoking ideas.

I give this pasta a full on 0/10: Yes it is that bad. Hell, it may be the worst creepypasta I've reviewed thus far.

"Username: 666?"
Yeah it is worse than that.

"mortal kombat.EXE?"
Ehhhh... Maybe.

Well, happy new year everybody. I hope there is a lot more good stuff this year.